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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23145433">Either/Or</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limelight_Write/pseuds/Limelight_Write'>Limelight_Write</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allura (Voltron) Needs A Hug, Almost Dead Lance (Voltron), Broken Lance (Voltron), Coran (Voltron) Needs A Hug, Dead Lance (Voltron), Depressing, Depression, Descriptive Suicide, Emotional Hurt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, He dies in one ending, He doesn't die in the other, Hunk (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) tries to kill himself, Langst, Multiple Endings, Pidge | Katie Holt Needs a Hug, Sad, Sad Allura (Voltron), Sad Coran (Voltron), Sad Ending, Sad Hunk (Voltron), Sad Keith (Voltron), Sad Lance (Voltron), Sad Pidge | Katie Holt, Sad Shiro (Voltron), Sad with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Sad Ending, Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, TW: Descriptive Suicide, TW: Descriptive Suicide Attempt, TW: Suicide, They all need hugs, They're all hurt and sad, successful suicide, suicide note, tw: suicide attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:09:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23145433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limelight_Write/pseuds/Limelight_Write</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance screwed up again and now he thinks he deserves to die.</p><p>Either he dies</p><p>Or he lives</p><p>---</p><p>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE TAGS I DO NOT WANT Y'ALL GETTING TRIGGERED</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allura &amp; Coran &amp; Hunk &amp; Keith &amp; Lance &amp; Pidge | Katie Holt &amp; Shiro, Allura &amp; Lance (Voltron), Coran &amp; Lance (Voltron), Hunk &amp; Lance (Voltron), Keith &amp; Lance (Voltron), Lance &amp; Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance &amp; Shiro (Voltron), Lance &amp; Voltron Paladins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Either/Or</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE TAGS I DO NOT WANT Y'ALL GETTING TRIGGERED (Also please read the notes at the end, it's highly important!!!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lance slumped down on the edge of his bed, running his hands through his hair before resting with his head in his hands. They had just finished training and everyone had done great…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>...Except Lance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even Hunk admitted he could’ve done better. Lance fought back an overwhelming urge to cry. He couldn’t be thought of as a crybaby. He thought about leaving, but he knew that they would track him down and bring him back. Besides, he wouldn’t be able to leave without taking Blue with him, and then they couldn’t form Voltron even if they replaced him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Replace him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew it was likely, they probably all wished they could replace him. But they couldn’t unless Lance was gone. But he couldn’t just leave. The only other option was dying. To die he would have to die in battle, right? Lance knows that isn’t true. Maybe he should…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance has an idea. He stands up briskly and pulls on his jacket. He wipes away any small tears and clears his throat, opening his door, and briskly walking out. Everyone had gone to their rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>First stop, Pidge’s room. He knocks carefully on the door and waits. For a moment no one answers, but then Pidge opens the door, a tired look in her eyes, and raises an eyebrow, her glasses missing from her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, Lance.” She checked her clock “It’s late, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance shrugs “Training was tough on me today, I guess, just came by to say ‘Goodnight’ to my favorite genius!” He plastered on a smile he wasn’t feeling. Pidge smiled in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well, goodnight, Lance.” She yawned “Training will be better tomorrow. I’ll see you in the morning!” Lance nodded and Pidge closed her door again. Lance sighed. One down, five more to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped by Coran’s room. He could hear noises coming from inside so he knew Coran wasn’t sleeping. He opened the door himself this time, seeing as Coran never locked it. “Hey, Coran. What’re you working on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coran turned to Lance with a smile, twisting his mustache “Hello, Number Three! We have a training day planned out all tomorrow, and I’m working on some of the needed mechanics!” Lance chuckles lightly at Coran’s enthusiasm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, good luck with that. The team’s gonna need it.” He pauses. Will they need to train without him? They already work well together, the only problem is Lance. “I’m gonna go lights out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably for the best, my friend, tomorrow is going to be a long day!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance nodded and left without another word. Two down, four to go. Allora was the next closest so he went there, but she was fast asleep. He scribbled down a quick note. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry I did so bad with training today. The rest of the team will be better tomorrow.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ It wasn’t enough. He knew that. He should put more, he needed to tell her more. He wanted to thank her for a place he felt like he wasn’t useless, even if that feeling didn’t last, he wanted to tell her she was going to make a difference, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell her she was amazing, and she was strong. But he couldn’t find any of the right words. He had to leave. He left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At Hunk’s room Lance just walked in and wrapped him in a hug before he could say anything. Hunk hugged him back and once they pulled apart, Hunk raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, man?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance nodded “Yeah. Long day.” He explained briefly. Hunk nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, me too, man.” Hunk paused “Maybe we should sleep it off. Tomorrow will be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance sighed and put on a small smile “Agreed. G’night, Hunk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night, Lance!” Hunk sat on the edge of his bed and yawned and Lance took this as his leave. This was going to make them happier, that’s why he was doing it. It was going to make them happy. He had to remind himself that, because every time he spoke with another one of them he couldn’t help but break a little bit inside. He would never see them again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance stopped in front of another door. Shiro. His idol for years. He had gotten so angry with Lance’s performance during training that day. Lance inhaled sharply and knocked, his breath catching when the door opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lance.” Shiro greeted flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Shiro.” Lance swallowed hard and cleared his throat “I want to apologize for training. I don’t know what got into me.” He lied, he did know. He screwed up at the beginning, on accident, and his own thoughts distracted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. You were distracted. You have got to keep your head in the game, Lance, or you’re going to get yourself or someone else killed in an actual battle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance nodded “I understand. It won’t be an issue again.” at least that time he wasn’t lying. Shiro nodded in a ‘You better be right’ type of way “I,” he paused “Goodnight, Shiro.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro didn’t respond. He’d later wish he did, but for now Lance just left the room. He kicked the wall on his way to the last stop. The stop he’d been avoiding. Keith.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance took a deep breath and knocked. Keith angrily opened the door, he looked tired. Lance felt guilty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What.” it was flat and deadpanned. Lance flinched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to say good night, jerk.” He stuck out his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith rolled his eyes “Yeah, sure, what do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>want?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Lance bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to go home. He wanted them to forget him. He wanted to tell them they wouldn’t have to worry anymore, “I want to stop being useless.” He nearly whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was, clearly, not what Keith had expected, but he moved away from the door silently, allowing Lance to come inside. Lance raised an eyebrow and came in. The door closed behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a member of Voltron. You aren’t useless, you’re a paladin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance looked up at the ceiling, exasperated. “Is that it? Anyone could be a paladin if they tried. I’m a </span>
  <em>
    <span>foot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Keith! A foot! I don’t do anything right! I get people hurt, I’m a terrible pilot, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-Need to shut up.” Keith cut him off, his glare was less angry, but it wasn’t gone “Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>can be a paladin. The blue lion chose you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-because I was available-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-because she knew that you could make a difference. Are you seriously that stupid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance glared at the ground and fought back tears “Yeah. Yes, I am. I am stupid enough to know that I’d be easy to replace.” He stormed out. Once the door was closed Keith shook his head, shrugging it off as another one of his attention grabbing outbursts, and went to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right outside, Lance stared at the door, wiping away tears. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Goodbye, Keith.</span>
  </em>
  <span>’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance basically ran to his room, shutting and locking the door. He wrote down a note and put it on his bed stand. He grabbed the knife he had stolen from Hunk in the kitchen the first time he had thought about… this. “Not exactly how I thought I’d go out, but it will do.” he smirked painfully to himself, tear after tear streamed down his face, blurring his vision. He pressed the blade firmly against his wrist, one slash. Quick to move to the next wrist, two slash.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped the knife, it hurt, but something caused him to feel a release of joy. He no longer would be a burden on the team. They would finally be happy. His deep red blood hit the carpet, his head light, he tumbled down, sitting on the ground, his back resting against his bed, his slashed wrists facing up. Lance passed out, feeling himself slowly slipping away. The last thing he remembered was Blue calling out to the other lions, and the overwhelming feeling that the lions were warning the others. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his note.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'I know this isn’t ideal, you’ll have a hard time cleaning out the blood. I’m sorry. I’m less sorry that I did it, though. I needed to. You needed me to. Now you can replace me with a better blue paladin. Maybe you’ll mourn for a little bit, a part of me hopes you will, but it doesn’t matter. You’ll forget me, or you’ll at least stop caring. You’ll move on. I’m sorry I was such a time consumer for nothing. I’m glad I got to know you for the time I did.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Allora, you gave me a sense of purpose when I needed it most, you gave me the chance to be a pilot, even though I was a horrible one. You are strong, and I believe in your ability to make a difference. Keep fighting. The universe needs you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Coran, you were a father away from my dad. I was so lucky to have you as my friend, and you were always so patient with me. You are an inspiration, to say the least.</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em></em>
  <span>Shiro, I always idolized you. You are strong, a good fighter, a great leader, and an inspirational friend. I didn’t know you for as long as I would’ve liked to have known you, but I am glad for the time I did get with you.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hunk, you are a ball of joy. Absolute happiness in a time of darkness, and a great listener. I wish I had gotten to eat more of your amazing food and spend more time with you. You make a great Paladin, fighter, friend, and pilot. Don’t let anyone tell you anything else.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pidge, when I found out you’re a girl I was surprised, but I shouldn’t have been. No guy could be nearly as kind, and absolutely genius as you. You are stubborn in all the right ways, and I believe you are going great places, kid. So don’t give up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Keith, we never got along well, but I only hated you because I thought you’re the coolest person alive. You are a much better pilot than I ever was, you are a much better fighter. I remember you saying you had no one on Earth to miss you. Even if that’s true, people will miss you if you ever leave now. I’ll miss you, if a dead person can feel things. Tell Blue I love her for me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lance.'</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There will be two more chapters. </p><p>Each chapter is a separate ending.</p><p>One will be the aftermath if he successfully kills himself, that chapter will be titled 'Either'</p><p>The other will be the aftermath if they get to him on time to save him, that chapter will be titled 'Or'</p></blockquote></div></div>
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